i'm alive. you wouldn't believe the things that i've seen in the last 5 years. looking back over my old entries, i want to just run up to that depressed version of me from high school and give him a hug. i was...completely miserable. i'm not exactly the happiest person now at 23, but i'm better than I was.

after a great deal of reading, the only conclusion that i can come up with is that i am not quite right.

There are alot of parts of college that I like, but some things really rub me the wrong way.

• I don't understand why people think you're a loser if you like to be alone sometimes.
• Normally I put women above men, but here it seems like the genders are on the same level, for the most part. The guys treat the girls like dirt and the girls enjoy the extra attention. It's all nonsense. Some things never change. *sigh
• High school doesn't matter anymore; it never did in the first place. Of course that doesn't stop people from obsessing about their accomplishments.
• I'm the only person on the entire campus without a laptop or CD player. w00t.

Just a little rant. I'm actually in a pretty good mood, but this is the only chance I'll get to use the computer for a while so I'm exercizing my frustration in a passive-aggressive way, like I always do. I hope you martin kids are doing good.

-Andrew

Based on the newest AISD policies on dress code, cell phones, tardies, etc., I'd say that I got out of there just in time. If Martin wasn't so full of rich, white, preppy, gangstas getting swoll, watching AgToWn FiGhTs in their BCIS classes, receiving text messages with test answers, and taking discrete pictures up girl's skirts with their rap-laden MP3 Razr's, there wouldn't be any new policies, but it appears that there is no hope for humanity after all.

Oh well.

From what I've seen, the wisest time in a teen's life is the summer before they go off to college. They've experienced a few ups and downs, they somewhat know what they're going to do with themselves, and they jump at the opportunity to educate and a naive young freshman or sophomore on the ways of the world.

This was not the case with me.

Rather than bathing in my own experiential wisdom or trying to help out the younger set, I decided that I have no right to help anybody. I may have just graduated, but hear me out; I am an idiot. I'm not a beacon of light or a genius; I'm an opinionated, hormonal, rebellious 18-year old and nothing I say should have any value to you other than a referrence to look back on, should you end up where I am now.

I guess I say this as a reality check or even an apology to anyone who has looked up to me. I remember seeing the seniors in school when I was a freshman and thinking how they were all invincible gods beyond repute. No such thing. I came to high school as a freshman feeling more concrete about my life than I do now, 4 years in the future. If nothing else, high school blurred all my values into one disgusting color and made it 10 times harder to find myself. Humanity at it's finest.

What's the point of this entry? To let off some steam about how frustrated and confused I am right now, even after finishing a crucial chapter in my life. I have nothing to give, no advice to leave. I just have a feeling that being a blank canvas is my only hope for surviving the next few years and learning anything about who I really am. I'm such a misguided child. That's right; not an adult, not a man, but a child.

-Andrew